The roller coaster of a year it has been. I mean it has really been truly up and down and up and down and up and down. Between this time last year and today I have moved four times. I have been through about four cars, not including the one I wrecked of my brothers or even the one I borrowed of my dad’s for a while. I could definitely add much more detail to paint the picture of the roller coaster but that’s not the whole point of this post. The point of this post is how truly GRATEFUL I am for ALL of it. The happy moments and the very depressing ones. The nights I went to bed unable to shake my smile and the nights I stayed up unable to shake my tears. I rejoice now knowing it all took place to get me to this point. This point of knowing that no matter what comes my way: 1. God is in control! 2. Failure is only a set up for success 3. I can adapt and move forward. This year has taught me so much about myself and my children. My eyes have been open to see beyond myself and I’ve been forced to grow up. It hurt to get here, like running field of knives with a piece of your ripping apart with every stride but there’s no point in turning around because behind you is death and ahead of you is new life. So you push through it and the closer you get to the new life the faster you run and the less you notice the pain from the knives because you stop focusing on the pain and you see is the promise of a future far better than your past. For that I’m beyond grateful. I don’t think words could truly express what this crazy hectic year has done for me. But I’ll show you!
So, you all may not be aware of my life story at this current moment but long story super short version, I had to start over for the second time this year a little over a month ago. By start over I mean not only items around my home but my home itself, my job, my car, finances like EVERYTHING. That’s a story for another day though. Tonight I’m just happy I now have a microwave. 😀 My coworker was kind enough to give it to me because she and her boyfriend just moved in together and they both had microwaves. So, she gave me the extra one. I know a microwave seems like a small thing and it’s not that I don’t like to cook because I do, it’s just heating up leftovers in the oven/on the stove with 2 elementary aged children can get to be a bit much. Especially the nights I get in a little later than planned and just need a quick meal for them to fill up their bellies. Problem solved now! I sent her a Marco ( a video messaging app she showed me) message thanking her that now my kids could enjoy their first bowl of popcorn in the new place. You never realize how much the little things count until you’re in a position that every little thing really does make a difference. I’m grateful for Camilla, she was my blessing tonight!
I’m also grateful for the way my kids pray. Each night I’ve been trying to make it a habit to pray with them before they go to sleep. Which it hasn’t been too hard because my son will ask me to do it a million times until I actually come upstairs to do it. I mean pretty much from the time we walk in the door until it’s time for them to go to bed he’ll ask over and over. I can say yes and he’ll still ask again in between transitions until actual bedtime. I think it’s just his way of saying “mommy please don’t forget”. And I actually appreciate that too to be honest. So, they each say their individual prayers out loud and then I finish up and say one as well and we collectively say amen at the end. I noticed tonight that most of their prayer if not all of it is “thank you God for…”. They don’t go to God like we (or maybe just I) do. Not that I don’t give thanks because I do and maybe that’s where they got it from. It’s just that is the bulk of their prayer, THANK YOU. That’s such a beautiful thing to me. It is my hope that they stay that way. I’m sure people might say it’s because they are children and don’t know much about pain or struggle so that’s why they just thank. However, given what has taken place in their lives this year due to my own lack of better judgement at times, I would beg to differ. They know how to express pain and they have experienced it but yet all they know to do or choose to say when they pray is thank you. Just as we as people are more open to do for those who show us gratitude and appreciation, wouldn’t you think God would do the same if not more? So, I hope they stay that way and I believe if they do many doors will be open for them in their lifetime. I’m grateful for the gratefulness of my beautiful blessings aka my children.
Opportunity. Today I got the opportunity to kind of step up and show what I could do at work. It was exciting and at first slightly overwhelming. I could feel the slight anxiety trying to creep up as I looked at all that needed to be done. I wasn’t quite sure what order to start doing things in nor how I was going to keep up with it in my chaotic way. However, I didn’t let that feeling take over. Each time it tried I said a quick prayer on the inside. I got through it! For that I’m grateful and I guess a bit proud.
I’d like to write more and it’s not that I’m not grateful for more but I’m a bit tired tonight. So, stay blessed! Good night.
Humor. I’m grateful for a good sense of human. Laughter is said to be the best medicine. If you ever take the time to get to know me then you’d know I love to laugh. I tend to find humor in a lot of things. Sometimes I find myself quickly reverting to humor when I should probably be a bit more serious. However, I still have a very..VERY serious side. But all in all I’m happy that I have been given the ability, perhaps gift, to not always take life too seriously.
The beautiful children in my life. My two knuckle heads, my nephew and my “niece” (my friend Pam’s daughter.) Although, they all have the potential to drive me up the wall and make me want to pull my hair out, LOL, they are still little angels in their own way. They are full of love and opinions. Their little bodies are so full of energy sometimes it blows me how they just keep going like the energizer bunny. Hardheaded at times, yes but still able to bring joy to my life. It’s almost as if I couldn’t repay them for what they give me. As adults we provide and protect but children bless us beyond material things. Not that we adults don’t offer beyond the material ourselves it’s just their innocence gives us a fresh taste of what we sometimes have grown away from. Their honesty is even unique. They don’t quite fear hurting feelings yet they have a way of saying the most honest thing that could potential cut deep in your heart in a way that makes elixir taste like honey. I don’t know if I really could word that perfectly but hopefully I worded it well enough to get the point across. The children in our lives are a blessing to us more than we are their blessing, period. I’m grateful for all the gentile reminders of that.
You smell like you. Your smell is better than sex. It awakens my entire being. It’s ever so tantalizing. I’m almost addicted to it, in fact if you were around more I’d be so accustomed to it that I’d find all other smells utterly deplorable. I’d be forever loyal to you and only you.
Your touch, mmm, yes, your touch does wonders. Like magic your touch makes every doubt disappear. Cupping my back side the way you do making me feel like a rose. Delicate yet hard not to admire with your hands. Gripping every curve my body offers you. Making me melt in your hands. Never do I want to be touched like this by another man again.
Your voice, ha, yes, the way you formulate your sentences and your tone go beyond turning me on. It’s inspiration. It’s like love making to my mind. Amazing. Keep talking and I’ll never want to listen to the voice of any other man because only your voice matters.
Your eyes, wow, yes, your almond shaped eyes, even when they’re tired they’re still worth gazing into. I can even close my eyes and still envision yours. If you give me the look I’ll never look into the eyes of another man the way I look into yours.
Tonight, this morning, you are what I’m grateful for.