Just as a semi irrelevant note, I have not forgotten about my “I’m grateful for..” posts. I just have something I’m hoping to do with that so I may have to put it on pause for a little while, though I will try to write things down until then that I’m grateful for just for my to help my personal progress.
Last night was like a step in the direction of change for me. I felt just a little bit more bold and just a little bit more brave. As I went to go see someone special do his thing at work. I’m breaking out of my shell little by little everyday. I’m not really a shy person I’m just, me. I have my days and my moments when I’m outgoing and loud and just all over. Then I have my days and moments that I’m very reserve. Anywho, I enjoyed being exactly where I was last night. Though I was so giddy on the inside I completely missed out on saying somethings I wanted to say and asking something I ended up texting today lol smh. I really did feel like a high school girl with a big crush.
I also felt a big wake up call last night as I sat at the table scrolling through social media. I found out a woman I used to go to church with as a little girl passed away yesterday. It was so strange seeing the RIP on my timeline. I had been seeing her post and things a lot more before yesterday. I don’t know if it was because she was posting more or my mind just picked up on them more for whatever reason. Either way because of that seeing that she is now no longer with us it made it hit home a little more. I haven’t seen this woman in person in years but just the simple fact that as of the last few months I was seeing her post on my timeline more it made it feel like I saw her just hours before. It still feels so unreal right now. Apparently she died in a car accident. She lost control of her vehicle, crossed the median, flipped the car and ran into a tree. The news report said she was thrown from the vehicle and died instantly. Sorry if that was a little too much detail for some.
At the moment I read the article and saw the post my thoughts immediately went to how short life is. I told myself not to let another day go by without saying “I love you” to the one I love while I have the chance. He was right there and I still didn’t get the nerve up to just say it. As if looking for the right moment. Yet I felt so moved by this woman I know passing away. I felt jolted. Like I needed to act because there’s no need to waste time out of fear but I still didn’t do what I came there to do. I mean, yes I wanted to see him but I needed to say more.
I’m still working on me. I have to get better at speaking up.