She spent her whole life valuing herself based on what a man thinks of her.
Even as a little girl without asking they shared their superficial opinions. Oh, you’re such a pretty little girl with all that pretty hair.
Her father taught her much about men and their opinions as well. He did so to protect her but he didn’t realize he was feeding into her “I only matter if men see me a certain way mindset. ” She wishes she had let those great books he’d read to her on business and other things sink in more than the talks about “boys” and “purity”. She missed the days that playing basketball in the backyard with the “wild neighborhood” boys was still okay and innocent in her parents’ eyes.
So, then she wrote papers and made decrees to save herself for a deserving man one day. Thinking that was the right thing to do; it was but the reasoning was so wrong behind it. She wanted to stay pure so men would want her and see her as different, again thinking that their opinions defined her. So she tamed the wild spirit she felt within. She made acceptable decisions when picking a career because it was what she liked but more importantly what men would be willing to accept. After all her major goal in life was to be married.
She was only 19 and the girl had it going on doing good things. But she wasn’t doing great things because her mind was trapped on a one track setting. Do good, be good, make God happy, be married.
So to be married she had to date, right. She had a good job, she was paying her own way through school and she was preparing to buy a house. Now all she needed was a man. So she thought but her parents flipped and said dating is something she was too young for.
So she did so defiantly on the low. Until the “man” she was seeing no longer wanted to play hide the boyfriend because he was far from high school age. He also made the mistake and told her something that she made the mistake of believing, “as long as you’re dad’s around and/or you live with him, you’ll never get married. ” He didn’t know how much power was in his tongue that day. She didn’t know how weak her mind had become from this idea that a man HAD to define her worth.
To be continued. …