I used to pray such specific prayers,
“Lord if this meant to be make this happen like this in this time frame. ”
I was so determined that God would do the “impossible” in the way that I wanted Him to of I “asked” in such manner.
Yet what I failed to take heed to was His voice and that He’s not a genie in a bottle.
He would answer my prayers to rebuild my faith but I felt there was still something missing, I needed more signs.
All along what was missing was His plan/His will
I’d say nevertheless thy will be done oh God but my heart wanted my will my way honestly, I didn’t want to hear no.
All the while I was digging my own crater of false hope, tossing frivolous dreams in it and expecting the miraculous.
Folly, it’s a funny thing.
Now I’m sitting back and watching true miracles take place once again and changes taking place.
Yet my prayer isn’t that God be my cosmic bell hop,
I’m asking for His will and His way and I mean it!
I don’t have to be too specific because He knows the desire of my heart and His timing is not like mine.
He’s in control and even when I stray I’m never too far from His love and grace.
I don’t have to ask Him to help me swim in my sins so I don’t down anymore.
I ask that he help me walk on water if I fall over board until I get back to dry land.
Oh God keep me near the cross!
There is no limit to His power when I trust His way!
I used to pray such specific prayers,
No more project men,
No more fixer uppers,
No more waiting for readiness,
No more neglecting my needs,
I know what I want and I have to believe I will receive it and all that I need along with it. It’s coming, the moment I set the bar and believe is the moment I will receive.
Why didn’t you tell me this sooner,
When my heart was aching as I packed my things,
Why didn’t you stop me then?
Why didn’t you tell me not to go?
Why didn’t you offer to talk it out?
I wasn’t important then? ?!?
Where was your hand to pull me back in?
Your embrace to calm the storm that brewed inside of me?
Where was it?
What happened to the I love you’s I needed to hear just because?
Did my cries for this not reach your ears?
I needed this then, I begged for it then. ..
And yet you wait to give it to me now.
Why didn’t you speak up! ?….
Don’t you know words left unsaid carry no weight and yet create a giant empty gap between you and the “couldve /should’ve” been recipient.
And just like that He brought her back!
Pain, frustration and disappointment
I’m so sick of knowing the 3 all too well,
I feel like for so long I’ve been living through hell,
I know there’s people going through worse but my own story is all I can tell,
I said I didn’t want romance because it places me under this emotional spell,
And I keep fighting for my finances but debt is hot on my trail,
My kids need my attention but balancing all this shit with being a parent is kicking my tail,
And if I don’t dig deep and hang on I’m afraid I might fail,
Feeling like I’m in competition with the next bitch but I’m not up for sale,
Told you these relationship “ifs” cause my thoughts to derail,
My focus is supposed to be getting that $10,000+ check stub in the mail,
And teaching my kids that God is the only one they should hail,
Trying to keep my head up because everything is not all and well,
In my mind the world around me looks like a bomb just fell,
But I refuse to leave this life having had nothing but an empty shell,
The goal is to leave my mark like a euphoric smell.
I’m in limbo and I don’t know how to handle it.
You say often times you forget your days,
Well that’s fine and totally okay,
But can you promise that you’ll never forget me,
Because if I ever have to wean myself off of you it won’t happen without difficulty,
Although at times I feel it is totally necessary,
I’ve become too attached and the burden of heartache is something I’m unwilling to carry,
I don’t want to get overly emotional,
But this addiction is beyond the physical,
That’s what makes it quite frightening,
Your intellect and over all ora is rather enlightening,
Yet your hesitations I cannot keep overlooking,
Here soon a lot will be changing,
And yet I fear not having your time and attention,
So here I am praying for devine intervention,
That God will keep me from feeling these things,
And help me be patient for what He will soon enough bring,
But no matter the outcome with you,
To you this song I sing:
…when you talk about the greatest I really hope that you think of me, I just really hope that you think of me…cuz I’m trying to be unforgettable.
😆😘 lol but really